It's Finally Here!

The Dot Com.

Now with more "The"

I will be deleting this blog soon. If you actually read this, will you please switch the urls in your feed readers and blogrolls to thejebbica.com? Would greatly appreciate it.

Blogging, Blogs, and Bloggers (and Blogbites)

Once upon a time, I would have liked nothing better in the world than to make a job out of blogging. To stay at home, and take all obnoxious people you meet, and turn them into characters that made people laugh, what could be better?

Well, somewhere along the way, I became a professional blogger. Meaning, I got to stay at home all the time. And at first, it was pretty kick ass. No morning commute. No getting ready. No worrying about that annoying coworker you don't like.

However, without those things, you lose just what it takes to be an interesting blogger. I mean, with nowhere to go, no one to talk to, what does one write about? Hi Internet; today I put on pants. Or how about Hey Internet, you would not believe this hottie at work. He's white--and no I'm not racist!-- and fuzzy, and he weighs about four pounds. And when he says "Arf!" it's like he's speaking directly into my soul.

Even the people you DO come across while blogging, it's not like you can really talk about them or poke fun of them in a blog. I mean, they live in your computer. It's what they do.

So, my personal blog has really suffered without the rednecks and Southern Baptists and pretentious artsy people who used to cross my path every day. Even so, Jebbica.com should be available again soon, and I am pursuing closing all the rinky dink blogs down and working there, so things will be the way I want them to be. After all, I'm going to Harvard on the Highway, aka redneck school in January; surely there will be an interesting character or two there, right?

Disposable

My biological father is coming from New Mexico to visit my sister and me this weekend. This will be the third time since I was seven or eight that I have seen him, since my stepdad adopted me. It's odd writing "stepdad", because he is and always will be my daddy, the one who was there through all my awkward years and who took care of my mom and sisters. It has been really difficult to even want to give the bio-dad, or Sperm Donor, as I called him for so many years, a chance. However, in an attempt to get to know my half brother, I decided to let my guard down and get to know this person.

It's only Monday, but I have already spent this weekend a wreck just thinking about seeing them again. I'm not sure the proper way to behave, to give someone a chance, the benefit of the doubt, someone who has an entirely different life that doesn't involve me, with a kid and a stepdaughter that he adopted, even though he discarded my sister and me seemingly so willingly. My first attempt to let him in resulted in him flying my sister out to New Mexico with no offer to me, because hey, he got to know me for three whole years, and he barely got to know her at all before he was out the door. And I TOTALLY remember the first three years of my life.

So, I invite him to our new house. I even write a friendly email. And his response was, well, I have a lot of family to see, and so I only have time for you on Saturday night. I've been away from my other kid for a year and I think we might be growing apart, so I thought this road trip might be good for us.

Excuse me, I wouldn't want your relationship with your other kid to suffer. And really, I don't. But, I feel like a piece of toilet paper that can just be thrown away. It's not exactly a great feeling.

So friends, anyone who is going through this sort of thing, I'm not sure I have any words of wisdom on how to get through it. Don't let anyone in. That's all I know. Because everytime you do, it ends badly. And that's definitely not the way to live. But a life without walls feels like a life destined for heartbreak.

We Make Our Own Change

Congrats to Barack Obama, who is our next President, in case you have been hiding under a rock. Or under Barack. In which case, how does he smell? I'm curious. I'm guessing like Aspen. Though, I'm guessing my new grandpa John McCain smells like Aspen, too.

We keep hearing about all this change that is going to be happening, for better or worse. Personally, I think we make our own change. The change I am embarking on for my life is my health. Try working for a pair of triathletes and not be self conscious! Today, I went to Hell-Mart and ran into someone I haven't seen in ages. "Wow, something's been really agreeing with you two!" he said about the Common-law and me. "I mean, you've put on about, hmm amount of weight, and he looks like he's put on about the same!" And this guy meant it as a compliment. I've always been a big proponent of loving yourself no matter what your size. But maybe it's the feeling crippled of any attractiveness that I had, thanks to the dumb decision I had to go blond,. Which led to me chopping all my hair off, and the inability of said hair to hold hair color so I can't just dye it back. But, I've never felt more unattractive in my life. And the possible weight gain isn't helping.

So, when one isn't happy for herself, it's time for a change.

We spent our monthly grocery budget today on healthy food. We, or at least I, am going back to the 4-5 meal a day plan, where we incorporate lots of small, healthy meals, rather than our one giant unhealthy meal at 10:00 p.m. I generally do better if I keep a food journal, so I am thinking about instead just talking about it here. I don't really have anyone who can be my support buddy, so if anyone wants to interact with this, she/he is more than welcome! I think I will post some recipes as well. Does anyone care to join? Hopefully for my sake, this is a change I can believe in.

More Dogs in Halloween Costumes

The costumes: Noory as Sergeant Pepper and Leo as The Jock. The second one is Indiana Jones, though they started fighting over which one got to be the true Indy.

Hope everyone had a happy and safe holiday.

Peanut Butter and Crackers

I did not think I would miss my G-pa as much as I do. He passed away on August 27, right as we were moving into our new apartment. It was so awful for him towards the end, and to be honest I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for not going to visit more often. I just couldn't, you know what I mean? Yes, I realize that's a cop-out and I shouldn't have been selfish and sucked it up for his sake. Maybe he would have gotten better.

Ever since he died (why are there not better words for that, and why is it so hard to write?), G-pa shows up in my thoughts or dreams everyday. People die all the time, so I should be used to it by now, right? But this feels different. He was always the snuggly kind of grandpa, the kind that passes for Santa Claus with a scratchy beard and a shiny bald head. He always called me "pun'kin eater", and I will forever love all thing pumpkin because of that. In my dreams, he's always the G-pa I grew up with...the jolly one, not the emaciated and pitiful one he was towards the end. I am a little girl again, and he is the old G-pa. We are sitting in the den, and he is making little sandwiches out of peanut butter and saltines that we share. I can smell the peanut butter, and I can feel the crumbs getting everywhere. We are cracking pecans, and I always get the bitter part stuck in my mouth. We are fussing over the TV rights, and as I'm watching Salute Your Shorts, he says, "you better really pay attention to that, because I'm gonna quiz you when it's over!"

I don't know why this is hitting me harder than it should. In general, I try to stay away from my family. Not because I don't like them, becuase I don't like conflict. G-pa and my daddy have always been delightful, but all of the women in my family have strong personalities, are stubborn, and very opinionated. We're not bad people, you just don't want us in close proximity of each other for any extended length of time. My family members who were around G-pa every day have the real right to be sad, because he was just that kind of special person. Who has ever even said an unkind word about him? I don't think anyone has, except maybe me, that one time when I was 11 and I called him a hypocrite and a liar. At the time, I got in trouble and made him a Tuna Helper apology dinner and that was that. But to this day I have never gotten over that and the way I made an ass out of myself.

So, what am I sad about, anyway? If there is such thing as a "better place", G-pa is there. And I am sad I won't have an eyerolling buddy at Christmastime. Pity me. But it's four in the morning, and I just can't bear to go to sleep and have another dream about peanut butter and crackers, and someone who isn't here to eat them with me.

Online Thieves and Gullible Shoppers

I loooovvvvee online shopping. And yet, I hate it. And maybe I'm a complete idiot because I rarely read the fine print, but somehow, I always wind up with odd charges on my debit card. Years ago, I busted my old bank account because a place called "**** Rewards" was taking money out of my account, unbeknownst to me, and so that made me bounce, which led to a whole bunch of fees that I could not pay.

Today, I have online banking, and watch my bank account like a hawk. If anything looks suspicious, I'm on the chat with my bank or calling them up on the phone. You want free business cards? Sure! But you better read the fine print, because if you don't uncheck one of the boxes, they're gonna charge you $19.99 for absolutely no reason.

Yesterday I found a charge on my account by another "***** Rewards". I'm assuming this is the same place as "**** Rewards", because after I and probably everyone else on earth reported them to the Better Business Bureau, they undoubtedly changed their name. I mean, what the eff kind of program calls itself a "rewards" program, and the only reward is they relieve you of that pesky money in your bank account?

So, is there a secure way to shop online? I don't know. What I do know is, read the fine print. Keep a close eye on your bank account. And there is no such thing as a free trial.

Out in the Country

I would just like to share a few nifty photos out of the 250 I took yesterday out on the common-law's grandmother's farm. Times like yesterday make me appreciate country living and how nice it can be just to notice all of the things I take for granted every day.

Can We Just Get It Over With Already!?

When I go in to vote, they take great measures to make sure what I have to say is a secret to everyone else, and so I don't feel like I should have to wear my red or blue on my sleeve. However, people are just so fanatical about their opinions, and if you disagree, well then you're a heretic and a neocon and a whole slew of words that sound hateful, but who the hell even knows what they mean?

I really have a problem with this "two Americas" thing. Sure, we're not all going to get along. But this is a free country. We should have the right to our own opinions without fear of getting ostracized by someone else. Whatever happened to, "hey, I disagree with you 100%. But that's your opinion, and you have a right to it." Now it's all about name-calling and hate speech. It's a nasty, cruel world.

I'm not sure if I will be glad when it's all over or not. I'm excited to see who wins because either way will be a first in our country's history. But what will happen next? Will the losing half accept it? I'm kind of doubting it. It's all a little frightening.

Whatever your side, your opinion, though, just make sure you vote. People have gone through great lengths to get women to vote, and your thoughts count too, right? One vote seems so small in the grand scheme of things, but to you, it's your right to gripe, to stand up and say hey! I was a part of this! Make history. I'll be there on November 4th. But after that, I might be under the covers until 2012.

People Who Dress Up Their Dogs are Cruel

I know.

I'm a bad mother.