Convenient

*Using my personal blog as an opportunity to vent.

I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships and whatnot. The Common-Law and I have been together seriously for over three years now, and if there were ever two peas in a pod, you'd think we were it. We laugh at all the same things and get along great. We're together 24/7 and we're still not sick of each other. We've been through really scary shit together.

However, no matter how in love you fall with someone, does it ever get to a point where it just gets convenient to stay together?

Most of you know about his sickness, and how much of a crazy wreck/bitch I was last year while he spent over six months in the hospital and then the subsequent recovery. Since then, things just haven't been the same. We are no longer the romantic couple we once were. We've had almost one sexual encounter in 18 months, and we rarely kiss. This is the person I love, the person I want to be with, and yet it seems nothing I do will make him see me in that light. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. But, I'm also a very passionate person, someone who just wants to love someone and be loved. Eventually, there just comes a point where you just want to quit whining about it and do something about it. Leave? That would be crazy...wouldn't it?

I mean, who else do I know that fits me as well? And young worldly females seem so...promiscuous to me. I want to be a young woman of the world, but part of me is still old-fashioned. A hopeless romantic. But at this point, if all relationships wind up like this, where the guy would rather play video games than get a job or pay you two minutes of attention, what's the point? Why not just be single?

Without each other at this point, though, we're both screwed. Neither of us make enough money to cover the bills. He needs someone to drive him around. I need someone to take out the garbage and handle green mystery items in the fridge and start a conversation with new people. Convenient. We're companions.

Breaking up sucks. A lot. Whenever I do finally get sick enough of the video gaming and say adieu, the other party always acts like he's devastated, so surprised and never saw it coming. And then there's the divisions of all the stuff. And I've never done it after living with someone...we share everything. I just can't imagine it! I don't want to do it. But, I'm sick of going out alone, and complete strangers giving me more attention than the person I love. Strangers wishing I were single. And brief moments wishing I were, too.